Time：2023-04-01 11:28:26 source：psychiatricethics.com author：Leisure vacation Read：521次

How can people who are used to suppressing themselves save themselves?

Do you often lose sleep at night, recalling that something was not done well during the day, feeling very embarrassed, and repeatedly falling into self-blame? When you have a conflict with others, even if you are obviously bullied, go to "self" as soon as possible. Reason"? Why do you always struggle with yourself, torture yourself, and be with pain? 01 Reason 1: Mutual exclusion of true and false self During childhood, in order to meet the needs of our parents, we will develop a shell that caters to the outside world for a long time, slowly A false self is formed. In this case, real needs are often suppressed and difficult to meet. After adulthood, individuals are accustomed to using a false self to deal with work and life, and the outside world is constantly responding to this shell instead of the real self, forming a "false" cycle. This can lead us to not experience that inner fulfillment or even feel that it makes no sense at work or school, even after getting good grades and receiving compliments and rewards. Because all the beauty in the outside world revolves around the false self. Individuals may feel a sense of hypocrisy, or have a deep sense of shame, as well as unreasonable anger at the surrounding, which is a "stress" reaction after the real self has not received a response. However, because the real self has not been developed and is in a relatively primitive state, it is often necessary to rely on the false self to face the world. This in turn will create a feeling of inferiority deep in the heart, and will depreciate, criticize and deny yourself. "True and false" self-repel each other, the individual has always been in a state of "loathing" himself, and his heart has become a battlefield of mutual consumption, and he has no time to take into account the current life and growth. 02 Reason 2: Habitual guilt From a certain perspective, the emotion of guilt creates "harmony" between people. For example, because we feel guilty and feel that we owe each other, we will make some compensatory behaviors. However, if the guilt is "excessive", the individual will start to have trouble with himself, always find "self-cause" in the conflict, start to criticize himself, and keep giving out his own interests to ease this emotion. One of the reasons for this pattern is that during childhood, parents are always controlled by similar emotions. Parents may create pressure on the moral level, or when they are unable to control their children, they may act weak and hurt to induce guilt. , so that the child becomes obedient. On the other hand, if they perceive that they may owe their children, some parents will balance this feeling by picking on their children's "failures". But all of this has created a kind of harsh interaction, and similar patterns are internalized into the child's personality. When grown up, these harsh parts, when the individual encounters resistance, setbacks or "mistakes", become source of self-attack. How their parents attacked themselves in their early years is often how they will attack themselves as adults. The method of removing habitual repression: The method of removing habitual repression: The method of removing habitual repression A. Embrace the truth When interacting with the outside world with "pseudo-self", there is often a lack of a sense of meaning. The individual is just a machine dealing with people and things. The internal consumption is very large, and it is very easy to get tired. When alone at night, when the true self has the upper hand, it can be extremely distressing to recall how you want to behave during the day, but interact with the opposite behavior, and similar situations occur frequently. We need to make some changes. When dealing with anything in work and life, you can learn to use different expressions to deal with it. This expression is one that makes the real self feel comfortable. You may not be used to it at first, but with continuous practice and perception, you can finally experience the transparency and freshness of expressing the truth. B. The compensatory behavior after learning to reject guilt, although it balances the guilt, leads to the constant compromise of one's own boundaries. This creates anger when you think about it, attacks the other person, and sparks a new wave of guilt and compensation, over and over again. You can consciously set an appropriate bottom line for yourself, and gradually, the flexibility and flexibility of the boundary will become higher and higher, and you will become more and more able to respond appropriately when faced with various relationships. In the process, you will experience that when you "reject" others, you are not "dead", the other person is not destroyed, or something hugely bad happened. Appropriate guilt is a normal emotion, but if this emotion causes the individual to be significantly hurt, it is necessary to consider how to transform and liberate yourself.

(责任编辑：Mental disorder)

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