Time：2022-09-25 23:59:21 source：psychiatricethics.com author：Relax Read：683次

The daily life of a depressed patient 24: written on the first anniversary of today's headline registration

• Write romantic stories and focus on depression, autism, and Asperger's syndrome. If you want to know about the depression mutual aid group, you can find me on my official account: watch the water and keep watching.
• Author: Bai Yueguang

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This morning, when I was busy, I heard a text message on my mobile phone. It was actually a message from today's headline number: I know that I am not a good author. For various reasons, Toutiao’s articles are intermittent, and there are blank periods for several months in a year. However, outside the blank period, today's headline data surprised me. Over the past year, some people have come, some people have left, some people have become friends, some people have become strangers, some people have gotten out of depression, and some people are still struggling and working hard. Thank you for every encounter, thank you for every stay. During the writing process of this year, I constantly corrected myself, corrected my direction and my heart by comparing everyone I met and every story I heard. In the process of extending a helping hand, the reward is even greater than the effort. How can I not be grateful? There are still more than half a month before the first depression mutual aid group was established. On that day, it was also the first anniversary of the five-year appointment I gave myself. I don't know how far I can go on the road of depression science and mutual assistance, but I will go on firmly. Plants and fish are my healing systems. Today in the depression mutual aid group, I shared dozens of pots of succulents that I reproduced on the windowsill of my office, and then changed the water for two fish tanks. Squatting in front of the fish tank and watching the fish swim around, my heart gradually became clear and natural. Found one in the incubator, yes, just a newborn guppies. In the clear water, only two small black spots and a faint body can be seen. The mother guppy's belly is still very big, is there still a baby fish that has not been born? When I'm in a bad mood, when I'm anxious, and when I'm irritable, this is how I spend it quietly. Watching the succulent slowly grow from a leaf into a root, then slowly take root, slowly grow one or two small leaves, slowly grow into a pocket succulent, and then slowly grow up. This process is full of hope and expectation. In this hope and expectation, the heart gradually softened. In fact, when I typed today's text, my mood was very depressed. I remember that some fans said that I was trying to force new words to express my worries. I can only smile bitterly. How I wish the problems I was facing were really just my new words. If you don't know what kind of darkness I smile like a flower, if you don't know how I try my best to look effortless, you never know the desperation and helplessness behind my smile. After three years of darkness and years of groping in the dark, I have been trying to find a way that can give me a ray of light and make me no longer so desperate. Sometimes death is liberation. But I can't. I want to keep smiling like a flower, I want to defeat all the problems that have not defeated me, I want to go farther into the future, I want to keep my innocence in the tempering of the years, I want to still have clear eyes when I have gray hair Laugh out loud. I am me, fireworks of different colors.

(责任编辑：Depression)

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