Time：2023-04-01 13:31:46 source：psychiatricethics.com author：Public activities Read：631次

I'm a psychiatrist and a person with bipolar disorder, what's it like?

I am a psychiatrist with a master's degree in clinical medicine. I have worked in psychiatry for 5 years. I am 34 years old and have a 2-year-old son. Does everything seem ordinary? And I have another layer of identity. I am still a bipolar disorder (manic-depressive) patient. I am both a psychiatrist and a mentally ill patient. I have a stronger ability to empathize with all patients who come to psychiatry. Reminder: Bipolar disorder is also known as bipolar disorder and bipolar disorder.

01. Suffering from bipolar disorder is a kind of experience of ice and fire

Bipolar disorder, also known as bipolar disorder, The most obvious feeling to me is my mood swinging back and forth between mania and depression. During periods of mania, I was in high spirits, and my sleep time was reduced. I only slept four or five hours a day. I felt that my energy was inexhaustible. I was full of energy and wanted to communicate with people. Deeply once spent nearly 20,000 yuan in a frenzy at twelve o'clock in the middle of the night. During the period of depression, my whole person will become very depressed again, my thinking ability, language and logic ability will be greatly reduced, my whole person will become very lazy, I don’t want to change my clothes after wearing it for a week, my work efficiency will decrease and I can’t complete daily tasks. I have all these. Pass.

02. The biggest change that bipolar has brought me is more understanding and sympathy

Looking back now, when I found myself appearing It took at least two and a half years for the abnormality to be finally diagnosed. At the beginning, I thought it was because of the high pressure of work and the daily contact with patients in the psychiatry department, so my physical feelings during that time were blurred. For a period of time close to the diagnosis, I almost lost control of myself. During the day, I tried to pretend to be normal. When I was working until the dead of night at night, I would break down and burst into tears. Several times my wife was scared to cry by me. I was experiencing a strong mental struggle in my heart. I realized that I seemed to have a problem and I should receive treatment, but I didn’t want to admit that as a doctor, I would have mental problems myself. I understand why a lot of people don't want to go to the doctor. In the past, I would be very incomprehensible or even blame the patients and their families for not seeking medical treatment early. Now I can imagine how much determination they made before entering the psychiatry department, how much torture they went through physically and mentally, and how many sleepless nights they had to endure. night, there is only endless sympathy and pity in my heart.

03. Face it bravely, with pain and warmth

After experiencing the ideological struggle, with the encouragement of my wife, I take the patient's When I walked into a colleague's clinic, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. After receiving physiotherapy - electroconvulsive therapy, I finally experienced the fear and feeling firsthand, and then I took medicine regularly every day. What moved me was that every time I lay in bed and felt uncomfortable, the child would stroke my forehead with his little hand and point to the pills on the table, maybe in his world, Dad would just take the pills. Can do it and play with him. And every time I feel discouraged and want to retreat, looking at my son seems to inject infinite power into my heart. About 8 months or so, the condition gradually stabilized, but I knew that there was still a long way to go before stopping the drug. At present, my mental state has improved to a great extent, and I can basically live and work normally (affected by the disease, I am no longer suitable for other positions in clinical work), but I dare not take it lightly. The recurrence of bipolar is very High, I will worry about breaking my peaceful life if I don't pay attention.

04. "Do you hate bipolar" I often ask myself

There is no doubt that bipolar disorder has brought a lot to my life Come for upheaval. The first is my job. After years of hard work, I finally became a clinician. Although the future is not very broad, it is bright and hopeful, but now I can only... Worry for a long time if the disease recurs Maybe not even your current job. The second is my interpersonal relationship. Due to the extreme expansion during the mania period, some nonsense and inappropriate words have made my interpersonal relationship embarrassing and unbearable, and there are fewer and fewer friends around me. Finally, there is my own family. The change in work has led to lower family income, and the wife has to work hard to keep the family running. Of course, it was also because of this illness that I found my wife's greatness and tenacity, she has always encouraged and supported me, never thought of giving up on me, and my attitude towards life has also changed. Now I have time to slowly appreciate the ups and downs. Isn't that what life is like? Continue to struggle in each ordeal and strive to move forward. This is the story of a colleague of mine in the psychiatry department, and I share it with you here. I hope that everyone who struggles with depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, and schizophrenia can also draw strength. Give back to fans, give 10 0 yuan consultation places, and get them privately!

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